(Dating) Soapbox

In dating/relationships…..


I don’t understand why we allow ourselves to be disrespected.

I look at my dating life in two parts – college and after college. The girl I was in college and the girl I am now are very different. Thank goodness. I chalk all my college experiences up to lessons learned. Those were some hard lessons. I wasn’t able to stand up for being respected and instead I felt used. I would make out with guys very early on, fearing that if I didn’t they would move on to something else. Consequently, I got burned. But now as I am older, disrespect comes in a different form – allowing ourselves to be jerked around. If you respect me, you’ll be honest and upfront. Right? Which leads to…

I don’t understand why we can’t be vocal about what we want or don’t want.

Why is it so hard to vocalize what we want in a dating relationship? Of course, we don’t want to scare a potential boyfriend/girlfriend with saying certain things too early in dating. But why can’t we say how we feel – especially when it comes to feeling like we need to stand up for ourselves? We are all adults here (well, legally) and we should act like it. If we want this relationship to progress, why should we hide our feelings (with being respectful, of course)? If you feel hurt, say something. If you feel betrayed, say something. If you have a need that you feel is not being fulfilled, say something. Don’t be afraid. This is your life. Take control. Don’t stay with someone that makes you feel sad, unloved or disrespected. It's not worth it. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who makes me feel like nothing.

This dating game is tough. It’s tiresome. But here is one thing I think can help ease this game we are all tired of playing:

Be honest.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you’re not feeling the person anymore, say something. Don’t ignore them or give them false hope because you are afraid of hurting them. Rip off the band-aid. While the initial sting of being told that someone isn’t into you sucks, in the long-run it’s a lot better. You were respectful of that person’s feelings and time.

Being honest also means being honest with yourself. When you see a relationship is not meeting your needs or that you are being disrespected, then don’t justify it inside your head. You deserve respect. You deserve someone who will help you become a better person. You deserve happiness. Don’t be afraid of being alone. There is someone out there who will love you for exactly who you are.

27 goals for 27 years - Update

On my 27th birthday I made 27 goals for myself - things to accomplish that year and guess what.... it's time for the big reveal!

1. Go to a state that I've never been to

Why not expand my state count?

I expanded my state count by 2! Georgia and Kentucky. Granted, I was in airports but hey - I was physically located in the state!

2. Eat crawfish

It's something I've been craving since I ate it for the first time a few years ago

Yum. Yum. Yum. I blogged about this experience.

3. Finish the Book of Mormon

So close but yet so far away.... I'm in 3rd Nephi

Done! I have started again. Something different is learned every time :)

4. Get a smartphone

There have been several instances this past week where it would have been very convenient

This was the first goal accomplished - yay for me and technology! I was one of the first to get the white iPhone 4. When I took it to the Apple store to get a protective cover, the techs were in awe of my phone. It was pretty cool because I'm not usually the envy of others when it comes to technology!

5. Keep a daily journal

Starting tomorrow

Not a daily journal.... but I think I've been doing a lot better

6. Hike to the Y

I've only done this once and it was hard but worth the view!

I did this with Kaleigh - and there was a guy who had already hiked up and back three times that morning. He was super enthusiastic about life. And sweaty.

7. Go camping this summer

I love camping and wasn't able to do it last year

Not this past summer :( But it's already planned for this upcoming summer! Woo hoo!

8. Go on 50 dates

It's a goal my brother-in-law gave me

Definitely not 50 dates. Ha ha. But this year I have dated more than I ever have.

9. Go to a Bee's game

I like baseball games and the fireworks that follow

It was the 24th of July weekend!

10. Help build a house with Habitat For Humanity

I'm good with a hammer

No go for Habitat For Humanity. But I did start volunteering for Rocky Mountain Hospice!

11. Find a piece of old furniture and make it over

What is one man's garbage is another man's treasure

A friend I work with gave me some awesome bar stools she doesn't use anymore. Spray paint, anyone?

12. Go on a cruise

Cause I need to get away!

Yes! Done and done. Best vacation ever! Refer to previous blog post.

13. Read the first Harry Potter book

I always knock H.P. but I guess I should actually read one book so I know what I'm knocking

I read the first three books. I started the fourth but couldn't get past the 4th chapter.

14. Take a ceramics/pottery class

Cause I've always thought clay was fun

I found a place that I want to take a ceramics class! But all classes are full right now. Maybe this summer :)

15. Get lower bowl seats at a Jazz game

'Nuff said

I went to three lower bowl games this season. Pretty awesome for a season that was in jeopardy!

16. Go snowboarding

People look at me like I'm crazy when they find out I'm from Utah and don't do winter sports

I have come to the conclusion that this sport is too expensive for me to get started. Sad day. Maybe in the future!

17. Try to get up on a wakeboard

Cause I can't get up on waterski's

I had the opportunity once this past summer but I was a wuss because the waves were really choppy. Goal for next summer!

18. Learn how to dive (Water dive - not scuba dive)

I'd like to be graceful instead of doing a bomb into the water.

People always gave me the strangest looks when I asked them to help me! Needless to say, it didn't happen. Guess it's still going to be cannonballs into the water for me!

19. Go horseback riding

Just as long as they don't run

This was supposed to happen today! But it didn't turn out. I do have a Groupon for it that expires next month - so giddy up!

20. Run a 5k/participate in a charity walk

Couch-to-5k training!

I did sign up for one in Lindon but failed to go. Running and I don't get along so well. But I will be doing one this summer.... I can now run a 5k thanks to my kickboxing class!

21. Have my only debt be my car and student loans

No one wants debt

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hold on..... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Maybe next birthday.

22. Buy a foam mattress topper

Love it!

Thanks to my awesome perks at PwC, I was able to get this through Amazon for just the cost of shipping. I love it! I have gotten a ton of compliments. JK Mom!

23. Go to an outdoor arts festival

Why not appreciate others' talents?

I went to the Chalk Festival at Gateway this past summer. It was amazing what people can do!

24. Take a self-defense class

You can never learn enough

I have learned a lot of moves through my kickboxing class. And it's not just an aerobics class. Real bags. Real handwraps. Real boxing gloves. I have even practiced on the instructor. Don't mess with me. (ilovekickboxing)

25. Learn Spanish

Hola mama!

I know my colors!

26. Go shooting

I don't want to be afraid of guns!

I have had two guys tell me that they will take me shooting and haven't delivered. I promise I'm not THAT uncoordinated.

27. Learn Adobe Photoshop

I want to learn cool picture effects!

My ma has this program on her computer and I've used to for some pictures. Awesome!

I found that having a list of goals and things I wanted to accomplish led to some pretty fun activities this summer! While I didn't accomplish everything, I had a blast doing what I did. Keep your eyes out for my 28 things for 28 years!

I believe in Christ

He stands supreme!

From him I'll gain my fondest dream;

And while I strive through grief and pain,

His voice is heard "Ye shall obtain"

I believe in Christ

So come what may,

With him I'll stand in that great day

I Believe in Christ, Hymn 134

It seems that when it rains, it pours. Whether it's great things like dating or bad things like huge unexpected expenses. Nothing every seems to flow consistently. Lately I have felt like things have been piled on me. My stress and tears have increased (me+stress = tears, in case you didn't know). Even though I have a GREAT supportive system, sometimes I have felt as if I am barely keeping my head above water. I struggled with words to express how I was feeling without sounding like a broken record. Some unexpected individuals emerged with great words of advice and the comforting assurance that the Lord indeed does have a plan for me. There have been a few individuals that have fallen short. Maybe I expected too much from them.

I woke up this past Sunday morning, wanting to squeeze all the spirituality that I could out of that day. I wanted to receive direction in my life. I wanted to feel the Lord's love for me. I wanted to know that He is mindful of my needs and the difficult time I was going through right then. I was on my knees for awhile that morning. I was tired of feeling stressed. I was tired of feeling sad. I was tired of feeling like there were things within my grasp that have fallen through my fingers. I wanted to feel like myself again. So I fasted. I fasted for comfort and peace in my mind and in my heart. I've never been really big on fasting. I try to have a purpose when I fast but it has never meant that much to me. Until this day. I put all of my faith and trust into this fast, that I would receive what I was looking for. As I was sitting in sacrament meeting, we sang this hymn. I could not stop the tears that were coming, as I had to stop my partial singing (let's be honest - I don't ever really belt out these hymns) and read the words as others sang them. My favorite verse is the last (posted). I will get the things my heart desires even though it is painful right now. I felt the love and comfort of the Holy Spirit around me and I knew that my Heavenly Father loves me.

So yes, come what may. Life will never be perfect. Things will always go wrong. Stress will be a constant in my life. People will come and go - some I will be sad about and others maybe not so much. But as I strive to life a Christ-centered life, I will gain my fondest dream.

Elder Richard G. Scott said: “Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain. … This life is an experience in profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ.”