(Dating) Soapbox

In dating/relationships…..


I don’t understand why we allow ourselves to be disrespected.

I look at my dating life in two parts – college and after college. The girl I was in college and the girl I am now are very different. Thank goodness. I chalk all my college experiences up to lessons learned. Those were some hard lessons. I wasn’t able to stand up for being respected and instead I felt used. I would make out with guys very early on, fearing that if I didn’t they would move on to something else. Consequently, I got burned. But now as I am older, disrespect comes in a different form – allowing ourselves to be jerked around. If you respect me, you’ll be honest and upfront. Right? Which leads to…

I don’t understand why we can’t be vocal about what we want or don’t want.

Why is it so hard to vocalize what we want in a dating relationship? Of course, we don’t want to scare a potential boyfriend/girlfriend with saying certain things too early in dating. But why can’t we say how we feel – especially when it comes to feeling like we need to stand up for ourselves? We are all adults here (well, legally) and we should act like it. If we want this relationship to progress, why should we hide our feelings (with being respectful, of course)? If you feel hurt, say something. If you feel betrayed, say something. If you have a need that you feel is not being fulfilled, say something. Don’t be afraid. This is your life. Take control. Don’t stay with someone that makes you feel sad, unloved or disrespected. It's not worth it. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who makes me feel like nothing.

This dating game is tough. It’s tiresome. But here is one thing I think can help ease this game we are all tired of playing:

Be honest.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you’re not feeling the person anymore, say something. Don’t ignore them or give them false hope because you are afraid of hurting them. Rip off the band-aid. While the initial sting of being told that someone isn’t into you sucks, in the long-run it’s a lot better. You were respectful of that person’s feelings and time.

Being honest also means being honest with yourself. When you see a relationship is not meeting your needs or that you are being disrespected, then don’t justify it inside your head. You deserve respect. You deserve someone who will help you become a better person. You deserve happiness. Don’t be afraid of being alone. There is someone out there who will love you for exactly who you are.